Encountering Jesus

A year prior, I had began to grow increasingly unhappy with how things were going. I found no matter how hard I tried to stop sinning I would find myself lying and in lust. I wondered how as a church going Christian I could go on living like this despite serving in church, joining church programs, writing sermon notes, attending church more than once a week, I really thought these religious habits should have kept me from sinning. I looked around and wondered why others weren't struggling as much as I did. I questioned myself, I tried to put curtails on myself but it seemed this led me to indulge in even worse behavior than before whereas I would have only taken part to probably 30% after trying to stop the habits would double or tripple. I would find I would cross every line I tried to set as a limit. In this state, I, unknowingly, joined the new age. I found their teachings had bible verses but as I got deeper I realized they deviated further and further away from God to the point of blaspheming that the individual is a god. Coming to this knowledge made me realize this wasn't the way. The year was coming to an end and I had even less answers than I did before. I wondered why I kept sinning and I didn't look forward to the new year.

The year was coming to an end and I had even less answers than I did before. I wondered why I kept sinning and I didn't look forward to the new year. 

Photo by Liza Summer: https://www.pexels.com/photo/unhappy-black-woman-sitting-in-room-6382668/

One night I had fallen asleep at my parent's house and I had a dream. In this dream, I saw a huge dark figure, this figure was as tall as the tree in the forests. I felt dread even imagining such a being existed. I saw it's huge red eyes that glowed with hatred. It had the form of a man but had rough edges like those of a tree. It had the head, limbs, body but instead of clothing it was all darkness. I was quite scared and yet somehow I knew or felt I was stuck inside it. The scene appeared to be a forest. When this creature walked you almost doubted it's stability for it seemed so far off the ground and secondly it was as though it made sort of ripples or vibrations as it walked. Suddenly, a light came from above and it seemed to settle in a clearing in the forest. The being was in this clearing. When I looked again I saw it was a throne that had One that was seated on it who wore white robes that shone brilliantly white. I could not make out His face for it shone ever so brightly. I felt whilst within this being a force and power pull it toward this throne. It was brought to its knees with a loud thud it came crashing to its knees. Then again the force of this power forced the being to speak. The words it spoke were, "JESUS! You are the King of kings and Lord of lords!" It said it gruffly as though the words were forced out of it. In the next instant, this being shattered to tiny pieces that could never be put together again. I was too stunned to speak as I found myself before the throne on the ground. Finally, I woke up. I questioned the meaning of this dream and it took me about two months to realize that Jesus had come to rescue me from bondage. I had the dream in January 2022 and in March 2022 I finally gave my life to Jesus. I started living for Him and looking for all the ways I could learn more about Him and become a better person.

"JESUS! You are the King of kings and Lord of lords!" 

The first thing to go was the automatic response to sin. I became uncomfortable with lying where I would once easily lie, I could no longer do it. I said no to lust and it did not reappear. I began getting wisdom on avoiding certain places, entertainment, music and movies. It was a good start but my low self confidence led me to seek knowledge from others who I thought were more "spiritual" or "strong in faith". 

In this quest, I went down the wrong lane once again and started following preachers and sermons. The particular preachers I followed would advocate for strange religious habits and equate it to being a good Christian. After months of following this path, I got frustrated and I prayed to God wondering if this was it? I was following fasts, teachings, sermons and doing all the right things but I felt empty. I grew disillusioned and put it all aside. At this time, I had joined a church and even been promoted to be a leader but I felt like a fraud and imposter. The promotion was based on the fact that I exercised the discipline for the religious habits, regular attending of church, joining a group and even giving offering which is quite literally the bare minimum. 

This too I quit. I was unaware of what to do next as it seemed I had burned all bridges. My life was also in a turmoil and I lost everything, relationships, family, business, I mean everything. At this time some suggested God was punishing me for "not doing enough" or "doing too much". It was quite a season and I was out of my wits, I wondered where my life was headed. Looking back now, God does not stand in the need of what we do or offer Him, He made everything and so I was like Job having people make opinions and treat me in whichever way based on their limited knowledge. 

The turn around began when I finally opened my Bible and started reading it. I could begin to grasp the encounter that I had with Jesus was similar to the ones illustrated in the new Testament where Jesus met the Samaritan woman, he met with the demon possessed man, he met with the sick, the dead and brought life, healing and restoration. My relationship with the Lord stopped requiring a mediator and became a personal one on one relationship. Just as He had found me, I sought Him earnestly. I stopped being the main character in my life and understood I was a branch that really needed the pruning I had undergone. I could now understand my identity in Christ and I could live and bear fruit in Him. The next lesson was forgiveness and releasing bitterness. I had gotten so disappointed in the relationships that I had relied on and I carried the tough root of unforgiveness in my heart. I felt I was owed as I had always been there for these people and all they did was let me down. I had to accept that I had placed them on pedestals and treated them like idols in my life. What they did and how they did it made me angry because of my unmet expectations. I learned to release that anger and to forgive them.I prayed to God to cleanse my heart from all bitterness and to give me a heart of flesh. 

 

Photo by SAULO LEITE: https://www.pexels.com/photo/smiling-woman-near-water-in-park-9825619/ 

Over time I have noticed a change in my attitude, ideas and behavior as I have submitted more to the Holy Spirit. I find I can give grace to others easily and my confidence in Christ has grown. What has been your encounter with Jesus?